When Friendship Stops Feeling Safe

I keep circling back to one question: what actually matters in a friendship?
For me, it’s always been honesty. Trust. Reliability. Consistency.
The things you can lean on when life feels shaky.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m hurt, but I’m not sure I see those in you anymore.
And it makes me wonder—was I blind before, or are you different now?
Have you always been this way and I just didn’t want to see it?

Lately it feels like I’m pouring myself into something that only exists when you decide it does.
I give. You take.
You show up when you choose.
You’re generous with your wallet, but not with your heart—and right now, I need the opposite.

I don’t like how this feels.
I don’t like questioning what I mean to you.
And I don’t know if I want to keep living in that uncertainty.

So here I am, weighing the ache of holding on against the quiet that might come from letting go.
I need to choose what’s best for me.
Maybe that means you become just another name in my phone.
Maybe it means nothing changes, and I learn to live with less than I need.

Tonight, I’m not ready to decide.
But I know I can’t stay in this limbo forever.